Have I trespassed on forbidden ground…I am aware of the
feeling of discomfort.I wondered perhaps it was the memory of the moments spent
together in total recluse that is haunting me , perhaps the anticipation of
many more wonderful coming hours well which will however not happen it was just
my expectations and my anticipation.I have just visualized something beautiful
, something more close to fantasy but yes expectations hurts and in this case
too it hurt L
All I remember is the feel of the leather seats, the texture of my purse upon
my knee,its frayed edges,its worn seams and how my mind was busy weaving the
little this and little that….all the plans for long drive ,lovely dinner….even
booking a table for two has been thwarted !
Just because I couldnot sense what was coming,failed to see
the naked brutal truth !
All along trying not to be be impertinent and rude,I look at
the black satin of my dress which I had bought especially for this dinner…the
heels of black sandals appeared a little too showy now the dress kept aside
tears in eyes and accepting the plain
brutality of the whole situation…
I wanted to go back again recapture the moment that had gone
and then it came to me that even if I did it would not be the same even the
moon would be changed casting another beam,there was something chilling in the
thought something a little melancholy and looking at the clock I realized that
a time limit has been reached Things doesn’t always happen according to plan
but yes when little of the hope dies down it hurts L
Have never wanted the whole ocean for myself just
few drops but still sometime life plays clever manipulative game…
A strange sort of happiness that never would be achieved that
sort which I had imagined in my lonely hours .There would be nothing feverish
and urgent in my happiness ,A quite and still happiness.Forced show of
affection,fake display of acceptance of the situation but yes there would be
everything present but not me not the real me
The real self would be way lost to the idea of a dinner
dressed in black satin black pearl and black stilettos looking forward for the
long moonlight drive…experiencing magical moments fresh air whizzing past her
face the strands of hair falling on her face savoring the sensual night
air….sigh!
Anyway there would be no moon tonight the sky above would be
inky black shot with crimson like a splash of blood…broken heart does bleed L
